My Adventures in Tinderland – The Vicious Circle

In Love, Think

It’s a match!

I have seen this message an alarming amount of times over the last week. Rather than this being down to my striking  good looks and witty bio, my paranoid persona has concluded that there must be another factor at play.

It is far too easy to swipe and pass judgement on people on Tinder. Logic also dictates that the more people you say yes to, the more matches you are likely to get. It feels good when you get a match – so good you want that feeling again, so you pick more and more people in the hope of receiving another match, with the net result being that you and your ego are ensnared in Tinder’s addictive trap.

It’s not all bad: it does mean that you are matched up to (probably) real women who want to (probably) have a real conversation with you. I now have all my matches nicely organised in something resembling a portfolio on Tinder, where I can meticulously plan my next move and eventually pull together the nerve strike up a conversation with them.

Some of them have taken the initiative and initiated a conversation with me. They are, therefore, being prioritised. I have no qualms about striking up conversation myself, but I don’t feel like the man initially approaching the woman should be a given. They have endeared themselves to me straight away by showing some initiative – and it’s just plain good manners to respond to a message you have been sent.

If you have both admitted you are interested in one another then the logical next step is to go on a date. The issue is that you can’t just optimistically charge into a conversation suggesting you meet up for a pint, you need to proceed with more subtlety than that. And so you both blindly stumble your way through small talk with the hope of achieving a date at the end of this.

As I work my way through the wilderness of small talk I keep at the front of my mind to come across as fun, easy going and spontaneous. I might see the chance for a cynical remark, but I suppress these urges. If all goes well, they will appreciate my cynicism within a few weeks, but it is impossible to read emotions in short messages with a stranger and it is therefore safer to keep these short awkward conversations rather pedestrian.

The result of these pedestrian conversations is that they are tedious and tiresome, but it does mean that it is almost impossible to make a mess of things. Once you emerge from the wilderness of small talk, the result is thus invariably a real face to face date.

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