My Adventures in Tinderland: The Blame Game

In Love, Think

I had a good thing, but I blew it. Kate, who I went on a date with a few weeks ago, was a great girl. It seemed like a relatively successful evening. Yet it came to nothing because my negative body language belied me.

At least that’s what I think. Since a second date didn’t materialise, I have been reflecting on the reasons for this to ensure I can approach future dates with an improved formula (yes, I’m applying the scientific method to first dates). The last few weeks have thus been a time of pensive reflection; I’ve been trying to make sense of where my date with Kate didn’t work out. Ultimately, I concluded that my body language was too negative and that I was too nervous and cautious going into it.

Why was I too nervous and cautious? Well, the last paragraph should give you a clue: my wish to not repeat romantic mistakes made in the past. Any slightly daring idea I had was immediately snuffed out by my desire to make no mistakes. And so the only mistake I made was that I was too afraid of making a mistake and thus must have come across as inhibited and overly robotic.

After coming to this conclusion I found myself cursing the romantic situations of years gone by – some from many years in the past for making me overly cautious – before ultimately realising that I was being ridiculous. Sure, one date had not developed into anything further, but it would be ridiculous to put 808s & Heartbreak [Ed: It’s his worst album, anyway] on repeat on the basis of this one setback.

Back into Tinder I went then, with caution thrown to the wind…

I confidently charged into a conversation with a girl called Orlaith with a terrible and ridiculous reason for not responding to her initial message several weeks earlier. Yet she bought it – it turned out this fearless and confident mentality works. We have since been chatting for a week or so and things are going well. How well they develop we will see, but the longer I supress the negativity and the more I maintain the positivity the better, it would seem.

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