Following UKIP’s surprise rise in the polls after successful local elections, ex-President of the Galaxy Zaphod Beeblebrox has warned Earth voters not to trust UKIP leader Nigel Farage, claiming that he is a spy sent by an alien race intent on destroying mankind.
“I mean, he’s obviously a Vogon,” Beeblebrox told assembled news reporters at the Restaurant at the End of the universe, shortly before being appointed President, “Just look at the way he looks identical in every picture. It’s obviously a mask. Besides, haven’t you heard him reciting poetry, man? It’s awful. Third worst in the Galaxy, I’d say.”
Beeblebrox’s comments have been backed up by hitchhiker Ford Prefect, who, while moving his Chesterfield sofa to the boundary line of Lord’s cricket ground for a better view of the match, told journalists, “I like a pint as much as the next man. But seriously, what is Farage’s obsession with being photographed with them? It’s like he’s trying a little too hard to fit in. Besides,” he added, “He has as much sex appeal as a road accident. He’s obviously at least part-Vogon.”
UKIP voter Arthur Dent doesn’t see what the fuss is about. “I don’t see what the fuss is about. If a man likes a beer, he likes a beer. It’s perfectly normal.” Dent went on to explain his voting choice, “The Council have been trying to build a motorway through my house. I had hoped that voting UKIP would make sure that didn’t happen.”
At the time of writing, a fleet of Vogon spacecraft has appeared in the skies above Britain, seemingly intent on destroying the Earth. More news as it brea